Dear Sisters,
What is your why? Why do you want to keep going? What is it that gets you out of bed?
For me, developing the Caribbean, with social and environmental projects, working for a non-profit organization, educating communities on environmental issues were some whys on top of my list. Very dreamy? Right? (It even sounds like a personal statement I’d write on LinkedIn) Up to 2019 I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to work in Eco- and social Justice and be able to travel around the Caribbean. My why was certain but the path was beginning to look unclear. Coming from a foreign internship can give you all the magical hopes and expectations which can be different to reality. At the ending of 2021, I was very unsure of what I wanted to do. It almost felt like each morning my goals had become further and harder to achieve. I still had the desire to do what I wanted to do in 2019 but I also now want to do service/missions.
Let me take a big pause here to explain my desire to serve.
I keep having the desire to serve in a foreign country. Not only because I know it will keep me humble but also because I know I’ll get to help, meet great new people, and do something bigger than myself. While having devotions though, it came to me that serving doesn’t have to be as grand as moving to another country to help the less fortunate. It can mean serving people, being kind to people in a workplace I do not like or being nice and reasonably available to my family and friends. And there goes one of my whys: something I want to do, something that will get me out of bed and something that will help me to become a better person.
Back to the point I was making about my uncertainty.
Being unsure of what to do in life still sometimes plagues me. My why seems to shift and fade. It doesn’t help that since 2019 it has been very rocky. I’ve been in and out of jobs I didn’t really like and didn’t see a purpose in. The reason I get up in the mornings shifts and sometimes the only reason is because I must. Because of this very rocky path I am on, there are several questions of what I should be doing in life. Sometimes I think, hmm, customer service jobs keep finding me, does that mean this is how I must serve? My purpose? My why? And BTW when I ask myself these questions, I am asking it honestly and open mindedly.
I do understand that I am still young, which is what I keep hearing from my matured friends but some part of me feels I should be doing something greater and bigger at this point of my life.
I recently read an article ‘Your work is not your god: welcome to the age of the burnout epidemic’ and it struck me that for a very long time, my desire to have a certain career caused me to make it my god. Hence, the feeling of insufficiency when I realized I haven’t been able to step into that career since doing my undergrad. Being in jobs you don’t like or ones far away from what you’d like puts a dent in your ego. I felt (and yes ‘felt’ because I am convinced that I have changed) that my job was ME. Therefore, my inability to get a job in the area I’ve dreamed of made me feel inadequate, uncertain about life and hopeless. Although, I would love to feel accomplished in my career, I do not want to ever get back to the stage where I feel incompetent if I don’t achieve it. I do want to find my lane, my niche and my people and I’m working on that. I hear it’s amazing! So kudos if you’ve achieved this and feel free to offer advice if you have any.
I still believe I want to do all the things I’ve mentioned above but it may pan out in a way I am not expecting. All I know is that every morning that I do wake up, I want to have a clear why. Something I want to accomplish until my last breath. I know for sure I have a clear vision and that is to make the world better by developing the Caribbean and making it what I know it can be: a home to vibrant, educated, and loving people with an environment cared for and appreciated. (There I go again sounding like a LinkedIn/ Resume personal statement. Please forgive me, I’m still trying to get this job). I know God has a spectacular plan for me, one that is unique to me. I just need to trust that this rocky path is getting me there. All my experiences are making me the perfect person for the plans God has for me.
I hope that you too will find your why. If you haven’t already, I’ll pray that you do.
Blessings Always,
Abi